Tag Archives: tonight we’re settin’ the woods on fire

O Tannen “bomb”

27 Jan
Friday, January 14, 2011 at 4:56pm

I’ve been commuting to work for well over a week with a spent Christmas tree in the back of my truck. I get scared sometimes that it’s going to fly out like a massive projectile when I’m driving. I also fear that little animals have decided to live in it now, nestling between the prickly Fraser fir and the wheel wells, hiding under the 5+ inches of snow that has accumulated in the last few days, and noshing on whatever foodstuffs that might have been deposited into the tree by my children while it was still “im haus” (perhaps an errant french fry, a missed candy cane decoration, ABC gum, or, yes, even a burrito).

Exhibit A: The GMC truck with a delicate ecosystem (allegedly) thriving in the bosom of a 5-week-old untethered Christmas tree.

Tonight, one of two things are going to happen:

1. Tonight We’re Settin’ the Woods on Fire.

I’m going to grab Amy B. (Visiting! Yes!), a sixer of Bitburger, drag it out of the truck with my girl, take it into the back 40 and “relight” the Christmas tree: West Deer style. Look out for the flames over on Kaufman Road. And please, as per usual, be cool and don’t call the fuzz.


2. The GMC Traveling Nature Preserve.

I’m going to contact the PA State Department of Environmental Protection, the PA Game Commission, and the Honorable Governor Ed Rendell and we’re going to christen the first ever protected wildlife sanctuary/state game land on wheels. Perhaps this could qualify me for some sort of “clean and green” status and I could get a PA gas card or something. Maybe extra fuel perks? I don’t know, think about it. I would, of course, immediately hire some sort of educator on rodents and/or birds and call it “Just Trucky Animal Encounters” or “Pennsyl*VAN*ia”, I mean, that is if I can get a bubble or something to cover the bed “Biosphere style” to make the truck look more van-like. Or, maybe I’ll just spray paint “Treedom Tour 2011!!!” on the side of the truck, with, like, a state seal next to it. Like I said, I’m spitballin’ here.

Your input is highly valued…I mean, at least from a taxpayer perspective on option #2 (only if you live in-state)

However, this song might sway your opinion in favor of option #1:


Regardless of the outcome, beers will be had.

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