“A weekly, or as close as I can get to weekly, ritual (who am I kidding that I think I can do this every week). Some photos – with or without tons of explanation – capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. A moment that makes me remember why exactly it is that I can’t have nice things (but someday will).”
**A twisted step-cousin twice-removed of www.soulemama.com‘s {this moment}.
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My Uncle Bill was an intrepid traveler, and (still is) a brilliant photographer. A true prodigal son, I don’t remember his absenses from my Grandma Rizzo’s house, but rather his quiet homecomings. He carried a satchel with him everywhere he went, prior to this being the norm of many men today. He recently told me that every so often, he would dump out the contents of his bag and take a photo of whatever was in there. Everything. He said this photo was almost more telling than a journal entry or any story of where he had been. I thought this was a brilliant idea. I’ve decided to use Uncle Bill’s time capture methodology in different ways. I think you should try it, too. It could be with your purse, your diaper bag, your junk drawer, your backpack, or anything that becomes a collection point for stuff. Today, I would like to use this methodology for: The Dangerous Item Repository.
On a fairly regular basis, we have to confiscate things from our kids. Most times, these items are (relatively) benign and relegated to the top of the refrigerator or on top of our mantle. A completed Star Wars Lego winged vehicle? Sure put that on top of the fridge for safe keeping. Alexei Kovalev bobble head dolls? Yeah, better put those on the mantle before the 3-year-old rips poor Kovy’s head off. (Note: Let’s just come right out and say it: a bobble head is basically just taunting us to decapitate it.) But then, there are things taken from our children that just can’t be hidden in plain sight.
Out of fear.
This is when we utilize the Dangerous Item Repository: the top of an old locker in our garage, right off of the kitchen.
With spring around the corner, and the hope of cleaning our garage, I’ve been thinking about these messes that accumulate. So it is with those words, that I present to you today’s {why i can’t have nice things}: things taken and hidden from my beautiful children (due to the nefarious use of items by said children):
1. A child’s golf club
2. A paint roller with dried up paint on it
3. A cap gun with caps (enclosed in Ziploc bag)
4. A lighter
5. A hose attachment
6. Enamel paint jars
7. A 3-lb weight
8. A large, prickly stick
9. A lead pipe
10. A ball-peen hammer
Now, if I could just figure out where I hid that mallet…
Pocket Guide: Dickhead or Douchebag?
30 MarIt comes up a lot in our day to day lives. You’re dealing with a seemingly nice person and then, hmmm, you start feeling funny about they way they begin to treat you. A passive-aggressive comment here, a chuckle when you ask a benign question there, a look (complete with a brow that is either furrowed or dramatically raised only on one side). Listen, if you’re beginning to feel odd from your dealings with this person (usually a dude), then you’re probably dealing with a Dickhead or a Douchebag. We use these terms so often these days, that they have lost their true meanings. Is there a difference? Are these terms still relevant? Should we care? Yes.
Dickheads and Douchebags are EVERYWHERE. Oftentimes, they don’t elicit ire until hours or even days after contact with them. This guide will help you to 1. determine which of the species you are dealing with and 2. offer helpful tips to make it through your interactions with them.
Examples:
a.) You’re getting a new cell phone. You are dealing with an overly aggressive sales guy. He uses terminology you really don’t understand (nor does he, you get the feeling). He checks his hair in the glare from the terminal when he’s typing your order in at checkout. He mentions that he planned “his entire trip to Europe” on *his* super awesome new tablet to which he was pointing (which has a store asset tag on it).
He is a: Douchebag.
b.) You broke down in March at one end of a bridge in Pittsburgh. It is minus 7 degrees. It’s the one year anniversary of your grandma’s death. The tow truck driver comes but refuses to drive you back across the bridge to your town’s main street. This is during the time in your life when you were at your most attractive and at your ideal fighting weight.
He is a: Dickhead.
Download and print a clear version of the PSA here (suitable for framing).
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Tags: dickhead, douchebag, funny, humor, jeremy roenick, pocket guide