1. Jeff Jimerson: Anthem.
2. Get a hot tub, pop open some Chernobly, and let Kovy soak overnight.
3. Get zen about it. Consider the series as already lost…and be happy that you will have gotten to watch 7 games more than you ever expected since January.
4. Have the Penguins stay in a hotel Tuesday night. Boucher did it to his team in Tampa. Makes sense. Might I suggest Buskey’s Motel on Route 8 in Allison Park?
5. Knock Ryan Malone the f*** out (see: Engelland, below).
6. Lineup changes: Tangradi; Engelland; Potash. Jesus, give him his own “Rudy” moment. Anything.
7. Let’s Do This.
Friday, April 16, 2010 at 11:53pm
If attending a Pens game, might I suggest the “Authentic Pittsburgh Hockey Experience Package.” This package starts out a little rough, but ends quite nicely.
1. You will be seated in front of 7 hooligans from McKees Rocks. They will be extremely drunk and range in age from 21-24.
2. One will holler “F**K Canada” during Jeff Jimerson’s rendition of “O Canada” (met with gasps and stares of horror and disdain)
3. They will demand things be done to an opposing team player’s mother that you never even thought possible. (you are ALSO seated directly NEXT to a nice gentleman and his 10-year-old son)
4. The following quotes will be heard.
4a.” Ottowa SENATORS!? Canada doesn’t even HAVE states!”
4b. “Canada SUCKS. They never even won a WAR!”
4c. In reference to Chris Neil (an Ottawa Senator)…you will hear many references to him “kneeling” in various situations, usually in reference to something sexual. And always man on man.
5. After the Pens take the lead in the 3rd, they will spill 1/2 of a cold beer on you. You will not care. You will begin high fiving them and wiping off the beer with your “white out” towel.
6. As a final celebration, and after YOU’VE had 5 beers, you and your McKees Rocks friends will stop waving your towels and begin rubbing them between your legs like you’re drying off after a swim.
Spring for it.
**The April 16, 2010 game was where the first “Sidney Crosby hat trick” was recorded: Crosby scored a goal, an assist, and had a save.